Transformation

February 2017

At the beginning of 2016, I set my theme as "Growth". I should have set the word "Transformation" because that's what was always in my mind, but that word seemed very radical. I was afraid to call that word into my life because I didn't think I was ready for the type of change that it might bring. But as the months went by, Transformation became my only thought. Against my will, I started to transform.

I remember telling someone in mid-2016 that I'd gotten everything I ever wanted, and now I didn't want it anymore. And that kind of ungrateful attitude seemed like inviting bad karma. I had a great job - great title, lots of responsibility, high profile, and a nice pay cheque. And yet I was chafing against the job. I started finding it hard to bounce out of bed in the morning. I really had to struggle to care about the big and small issues of my work. I knew that I couldn't continue on much longer without becoming one of those people who is dragging down the whole team.

And yet, what would I do next? There weren't that many jobs available, and the ones that appeared just seemed to be carbon copies of the one I was already doing. And maybe worse - who knew? Better the devil you know.

Partway through the year I made a plan. I wrote it down. It became the main thing I wanted to think about. I executed the plan - I quit my job. Yikes. People were shocked, disappointed. People were gossiping about me. I honestly and truly didn't care. Not in an angry or negative way, just with detachment. I didn't want to go away mad, I just wanted to go away.

I had no idea how tired I'd been. I spent the first few weeks resting, napping, catching up. Then I started to panic. What would I do next? Being a stay-at-home mother to one well-organized teenage boy is a fun gig, but it doesn't pay much.

I made another plan. I had already started to execute it, and it felt so right. I'm in the middle of the plan now. I chafe against the transition, the waiting, and the wondering if the vision I have will come true. The burning platform is my own desire for success, and for the type of life that I know I want to live. The word "Transformation" got me here, and the word "Believe" will keep me moving forward.